Restless

It's been almost 2 weeks since I returned to the States.  I think I thought I'd be back to "normal" life by now.

My first week back, I realized how different my life had been in Japan.  Over there, I lived in an apartment the size of my friend's living room, never touched much less hugged another person, spent all of my spare time walking in the streets, and could travel anywhere I wanted by myself.  Suddenly I was living in my friend's spare bedroom, eating meals with her and her husband, receiving lots of hugs from her (to make up for my lack in Japan, she insisted) and there were lots of places I simply couldn't get to unless I asked for a ride.

In this second week, I've started bashing my experience in Japan.  I promised myself I wouldn't do it but somehow it just spills out.  Japan was wonderful - no doubt about it.  I learned some hard lessons though.  And for some reason the bitter struggles from those hard lessons are now showing themselves in unwonted ways.

When I first got back, Charlottesville felt the same.  Eerily the same.  However, now I'm seeing the differences.  Some of them, in fact, are so stark that I just marvel that change can happen so quickly in 3 short months.  The JPA bridge opened up.  Newcomb Hall got such a new facelift that I ended up wandering around it in, lost.  Even my lab - I showed up the first day to find that a shock tube experimental facility waiting out in the parking lot, just waiting to be installed into our machine shop.  People too, have changed.  Friends start dating, get engaged, move away.  Those things don't just happen overnight.  Then again, they do.  People adjust and move on but somehow, I'm still reeling in shock.

Some of my old annoying habits have come back.  Mein lieblingsspieler held a minor place in my conscious thought in Japan.  Here, he occupies a decidedly much larger part of my life - do I even get through a day anymore without bringing him up as though he's my best friend?  I feel like I'm clinging to something.  It all feels so desperate.  Where does this desperation come from though?

In Japan, I was always alone and often lonely.  Here, I am surrounded by people and never lonely.  However, in so many ways, I've never felt so alone.

I think I like to pretend that Hasebe is the kid from two years ago who was lonely himself and admitted so on his blog.  (Although now I'm realizing it might have been a Google (mis)translate).  He's not that kid any more though.  His life is full and happy and good (although he later edited the Good!  GOOD!  words off his blog and I wonder why).

All of this, then, leaves me trying to pull a life back together and realizing that none of the pieces are the same.

Life

Administrator: What are you doing in this building?
Me: I'm looking for Post Awards.
Administrator: They aren't here.  You know that.
Me: Yes, but they move around so often, I don't know where to find them.  I thought if I came here, I might find someone who could tell me where to go.
Administrator: They're in Small Hall now. 
Me: See?  It worked. 


Me: Time to take a nap Alexis.  Here, lay down next to me on the couch and watch this episode of Dora.
<I doze off>
Minutes later...
Alexis: Catch the stars Dora!  <claps her hands>
Me: <waking up> Well, I guess I'm the only one sleeping in this arrangement.


Me: What number is on my shirt?
Alexis: (whispers) Seventeen.
Me: WHAT?! Seventeen?
Alexis nods.
Me: Did you really just say Seventeen?
Alexis nods.  
Me: Baby!  My love!  You got it right!!  How did you know??


Talking with a new student in my English class:
Student: (in Chinese) Do you get to practice your Chinese much?
Me: Nai, nai, nai.
Me: <thinking> Uhhh...that was not English or Chinese but more like pretend Japanese.  Oops.

Gulliver's Travels, Part II

Unedited shots from my camera.  

Sendai Castle and Date Masamune Statue

Near the Hirose River in Sendai

Zuihoden - Date Mausoleum

In front of the tennis courts near Sendai City Museum

Matsushima

Tokyo Temple

Takajo

Gulliver's Travels

I'm back.

Nothing has changed.  Well, except now I'm homeless.

I almost wonder if I dreamed up the past three months.

...Except that I have stuff from Japan.

...And cravings for food I never ate in the US.

...And new vocabulary floats around in my head and comes out at inopportune moments.

...And these funny pictures on my phone.

On the walls near the construction area in Omachi.

 Tokyo Tower

 It only takes one, or so they say.

 On the way to Funaoka Station (Kakuda, Miyagi)

2 PM

 This was the last meal I made in my apartment - I just used up every ingredient in my fridge so that I could clean it out and defrost it.  It was amazing!!! 

 Me and Maki (I never actually called him that but everyone else did) He's absolutely awesome.

 Everything in Japan is uber polite so I was surprised by the sarcastic tone of this ad about train courtesy

 Hello Kitty bouquets!  I'm impressed that the Japanese can take something that is already pretty and cute (flowers) and make it even cuter

I liked this for the Makoto sign and then realized how unique it was to have the old style buildings on either side of it

Me in a yukata

I guess I didn't make it up after all?

VA: Homecoming Edition

I wasn't really verbally awkward in Japan because I wasn't verbal.  Coming home has reminded me that not much has really changed.

While at the airport:
Man: Your ticket?
Me: <hands it to him>
Man: Thank you.  Here you go. 
Me: <thinking to my jet lagged self, "Say 'thank you' as I reach for the ticket>
Me: Arigatou gozaimash...
<I stop mid-sentence with my hand half on my ticket, and stare at the man in shock while my mind panics, "That's not English!  How do I fix this?"
Me: shita.
<I take off running> 


At the restaurant:
We're leaving and a girl trips on the stairs as she goes up them and I'm coming down them. 
Me: <thinking to myself, "Daijoubudesuka?  Not English.  Don't even try it!">
Realizing that I was not going to do well verbally, I went for non-verbal communication.  
I bowed. 
The girl gave me a weird but amused look and walked past me. 
Kat: What was that?!
Me:  The first thing that came to mind was Japanese so I did the next thing that came to mind.  I bowed. 
Kat: Hahhahahaha.


At lunch:
Food worker, calling out my order: Erin?
Me: Hai!...Iiiii.  <My desperate attempt to make it into a Hello> "Yes, that's me."

9 Letters- Feline Killer?

I recently started writing a short story about a girl named Akiko who lives in a little apartment in Japan and is innocently curious about her neighbors.  Based off the times their doors slam shut at night and their voices in the hall, she makes up stories about them and their lives.  However, on one side of her, the apartment is empty.  She knows this because she shares a balcony with him with a dividing wall down the middle and the lights are never on and nothing is ever on the balcony.  But then one day, someone moves into the vacant apartment - a man named Keppei, who really just wants to be left alone. 

Well, that's the premise.  If you can't tell, it's partly based on real life.  The apartment that shared my balcony was always dark and when I peered around the divider (by use of standing carefully on my tiptoes) there was never any sign that anyone ever touched that balcony. 

I started the story one Sunday evening in the park on a night when there was no one to watch, pretending that someone like me but more curious than I lived in such a setup and then suddenly someone moved in.  Things that happened to me in my tiny apartment would go into this story - such as the time I woke myself when I accidentally hit my head against the wall next to the empty apartment.   I was grateful that no one was there to hear that bump but imagined what would happen if someone had.  And then, a few weeks ago, some random apartment (the floor below me maybe?) had an alarm clock that would go off every morning and wake me up.  The person themselves would not wake up until long after I was awake and I'd listen to it, in a drowsy state, wondering where the sound was coming from.  I imagined if this happened to this curious girl who only discovered it was because she suddenly had a neighbor.

Imagine my surprise then the other day when I noticed lights on the balcony next door.  In shock, I peered around the divider and found a man's polo t-shirt hanging up on a drying rack.  So, now, suddenly, my last week in Japan, I have a neighbor.  I like having a neighbor. 

In the Present

I have learned a new lesson here - if you think something is worth it, do it now.  Don't wait.  Too often, I have really wanted to buy something or take a picture of something or say something and I think, "I'll do it later."  But by the time I get back to it, the situation has changed and the opportunity has passed.

So, these pictures are an example of some things I have learned to just enjoy in the moment.

(1) Macarons.  I was passing through Parco, the department store the other day and as I was walking out, I noticed a macaron counter.  Well, I love macarons so I stopped.  They gave me a free sample and then I bought some. 

(2) Totoro.  This guy stands outside a shop that looks like a flower/gardening shop.  I took this picture and then marched right in despite its outward appearance and it turns out, it's a store that sells a lot of things all Ghibli related. 

 (3) Christmas.  You think American stores start the Christmas stuff too early?  I was walking into Daiei on Saturday and heard some Christmas music playing.  Shocked, I stopped to listen for a second, laughing.  "Don't they know this music is out of season?" I wondered.  Then I went around the corner and saw this - an entire display of the types of cakes you can ORDER NOW!  Despite the fact that I always feel self-conscious taking pictures of stuff like this, I just did it. 

(4) Soccer.  Inside Kamo, the soccer shop which I like to frequent so I can pretend that I can afford the stuff in it and watch Samurai Blue soccer on the TV screen had this display.  It includes signed spikes from Shinji Kagawa, Atsuto Uchida and Eiji Kawashima which are some of my favorite soccer players (besides mein lieblingsspieler, that is).  Although it looked obvious, I decided to play the American fangirl card anyway and snapped a photo. 

Despite this new resolve though, I still mess up a lot too.  I wanted to take pictures of people in my ward today and didn't get the courage to ask for them.

(Especially sad since my non-boyfriend of my Sunday School class just got an absolutely spiffy haircut that made him so attractive that I would look at him when he made a comment and then forget to turn away when he finished speaking.)