House Rules

I live in a basement apartment which means it's always cold and always has bugs.

I only have one rule regarding those bugs - No bugs in the bedroom.  Whenever I find a bug, I always tsk them, "You know the rules - You're not allowed in here."

Then I chuckle because they're bugs.  Of course they don't know!  I carefully nudge them to escape to the living room where they are free from my wrath.  And by wrath, I mean concern about what they are doing.

The other day, I was in my very clean bedroom and a bug came crawling across the floor towards my bed/mat-on-the-floor.  I picked up my slipper in case I needed to use it to discourage his current trajectory.  The bug saw me pick up the slipper and started running towards my bed even faster.  I brought the slipper down and swooped the bug across the floor over to the other side of the room where I hoped he would find my dresser more interesting.

I picked up my book and started reading.  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw movement and looked up to find the bug right next to my elbow.  In shock and surprise, I jerked back and we both stopped and looked at each other for a brief second.  Then, of his own accord, the bug went sprinting across the floor.

My laughter followed his speedy retreat.  I watched him for a few minutes more, trying to find something interesting in the baseboard heaters across the room.

I went back to my book.  I  guess he learned the "No bugs in the bed" rule.

Alternate career no. 4546473: Bug whisperer.