At the Heart of It

I found this video today while looking for something to do for English class.

How to Fly the World's Fastest Plane

By the end of it, there were tears in my eyes.

It's a beautiful airplane, with some great technology.  It flew supersonic, as a matter of course.  And the men flying it got pretty close to space - I always like to imagine what space looks like and feels like and the thrill of being there.

I have a very confusing relationship with my field.  I really love aerospace engineering.  But I have no idea how I fit into it.  I love the technology that comes out of it but it also terrifies me.  The repercussions of my field have a large impact on the types of wars fought and the manner that wars are fought, as well as the types of peace sustained.  It's a fine line to walk.

What will I do in this field?  What kind of job will I hold?  How will I contribute?  Will I even be able to contribute?

I've been asking these kinds of questions now for fourteen years.  I've tried several times to entertain other options and each time, I come back.  I can't seem to walk away from something that, at the heart of it, I love.

I'm in the right field.  But is the field right for me?  I honestly don't know.