Nostalgia

A decade of Julys:

Years in the Past |  Location | Occupation | interesting events

10 | Zhongli, Taiwan | Missionary | I experienced my first ghost month in Taiwan which included biking through the streets one evening with the air filled with smoke from burning incense and paper money.  Sparks even flew onto my clothes and burned little holes in the fabric, a constant reminder the rest of my mission about the experience.  
  9 | Neihu, Taiwan | Missionary | The water purifier in my apartment broke and I determined I would fix it myself so I spent my days planning appointments around stores where I could possibly pick up the parts I needed while my companion and I tried to ward off dehydration and heat exhaustion in the summer heat by buying our water or filling up every water bottle we owned at the church's water fountain.  One night's highlight was winning free water from our local 7-11.
  8 | Moon Apartment 7 and 12, Provo, UT | BYU Baseball Park Custodian | That summer, I experienced my first dating experiences since my mission, my first pretend summer romance and my first real heartbreak (er... three of them).  I learned the joy of photography and long bike rides in the mountains.
  7 | Moon House, Provo, UT | BYU Grounds Crew - Pruner | I spent eight hours a day learning about plants and how to take care of them while chatting with my newest friends and spent my evenings on walks worrying about graduate school and money.  I remember making a lot of bread and eating a lot of soup.
  6 | Montebello Apt, Charlottesville, VA | Graduate Student | I spent July in my first relationship which was a long distance one and required a lot of travel and planning and I served as ward activities chair so I remember feeling exhausted and busy all the time but I also felt very happy.
  5 | Montebello Apt, Charlottesville, VA | Graduate Student | The summer before I moved into the Shamrock house, a few of my roommates and I met up in Norfolk, VA for a very fun vacation that went exactly opposite of our plans.  I never did get to see the Great Dismal Swamp.
  4 | in the process of moving from the Shamrock House to the Bennington Place, Charlottesville, VA | I had just returned from Taiwan and so spent my time trying to catch up on the culture of Taiwan so I listened to a lot of Jay Chou, Wang Leehom, and of course, Mayday.
  3 | Bennington Place, Charlottesville, VA | Graduate Student | I think I spent this entire month moving people into and out of my ward and moving myself into a new apartment.  It was exhausting work.  I also spent that summer worrying a lot about my family and friends.  I paced the parking lot of my new apartment.
 2 | Mormon Row, Charlottesville, VA | Graduate Student | I spent the day with my sister and Baby and spent the evening with my roommates.  Even though it was wet, we went to watch fireworks and had a lot of fun.  I don't remember much from the rest of that month at all.
 1 | Sendai, Japan | A few days after the 4th holiday, I boarded a plane for Japan which ended up being more humid than I could imagine.  I spent my days acting as the intern and my evenings watching Japanese TV.  I tried teaching myself Japanese during this month and started running every day which I even started to admit was a "hobby" by the end of the summer.

Faith and Hope

I'm not sure when I first learned about the Prayer of Faith.  I know I was on my mission.  I know that when I learned about it, I was excited and determined to try my faith and the promises of the Lord to make miracles happen in my area.  I know that my companion and I knelt and plead with the Lord and then we got up and went to work, hopeful that things would work out.

What was the result of our prayers and our faith?  As far as I could tell, nothing.  I chalked it up to lack of faith, lack of effort, lack of understanding the Lord and His purposes and sadly, soberly moved on.  It still nagged me, though, for years afterward.  

I think that I learned about the Prayer of Faith while I was serving in Beitou.  Beitou was my hardest area, my darkest days of the year and a half service period.  In fact, I was there from October to February so those literally were the darkest days of my mission thanks to winter daylight hours.  To describe the work in Beitou, here is a theory one companion and I came up with.  You know how some people lay the foundation of  great work to come?  Well, we figured that someone had to dig the ditch (and the pit really) to lay that foundation.  We were those people - the ditch diggers.  It was hard and often a thankless task but someone had to do it.  So we worked and worked and worked.  And in the meantime, we did all we could to keep up our spirits.  

One week, my companion and I were particularly concerned about making this Prayer of Faith work out.  We had no one to teach and a full evening of just knocking doors.  So we prayed and went to work.  And then?  We went home, unsuccessful.  Even though I was senior companion and often felt the need to be optimistic and hopeful, I let myself show my true feelings and simply threw myself onto our couch and cried.  My companion stood a few feet away and watched me awkwardly, unable to say anything to cheer me.  What was there to say?  We had no answers.  

This week, I was sitting in Institute when the Prayer of Faith was mentioned by our teacher.  She wanted us to consider the possibility of the power our faith could bring.  I thought back to my previous experience with the Prayer of Faith.  While everyone else figured out the blessings of such faith, I sat in silence.

Suddenly a memory came to me - a cold rainy, evening when my companion and I were heading to an appointment.  We stopped and talked to a woman who gave us the same sorts of reasons why she couldn't meet as everyone else we ever talked to.  Nonplussed by the "rejection" we continued onward, in good spirits.  It's a vague memory and not particularly unique in the experiences of missionaries.  The only reason why it is worth remembering at all is that several months after I left that area, some missionaries working in that area met me in the stake center.

"We have a story to tell you.  Do you remember Miss Chen?" (note: I do not remember her name so we will use Chen)  I shook my head.  "Well, she remembers you.  You're all she talks about.  Apparently, she met you sometime and she couldn't meet with you because she was busy.  Well, she called our phone number, looking for you.  She said that she was available to meet.  She started taking the discussions, started reading.  The members in the ward all love her and she was just recently baptized.  But all she ever talks about is 'Sister Reed' and what an impression you made on her."

!!!

The missionaries continued, "Well, she's here today with us and we want you to meet each other."
"Sure!"  I followed the missionaries over to the new member.
"This is Sister Reed," her teaching missionaries explained.  "Sister Reed, this is Miss Chen."

Miss Chen looked at me and then looked at my companion and then over at the two other sister missionaries next to me.  There was no recognition in her eyes at all.  She even looked at the missionaries as if to say, "Why are you introducing me to this random person?"  I smiled at her, shook her hand and said, "The sisters told me that you just joined the church in Beitou.  Congratulations!"  She gave me a polite response and then moved over to my companion to receive her congratulations as well.

The missionaries looked at me in surprise and I shrugged.  "I guess the Lord just used my name to help her find you.  She seems like a really great person.  I'm glad to have lent my name to the cause."

I had never made the connection before but now I could see it.  Our Prayer had worked after all but it took a few months to make it happen and took me nine years to realize it.  There is something we mustn't forget and that is the timing of the Lord.

When Enos prayed in faith that the Lamanites would accept the Gospel, when Enoch prayed that the Earth would find peace and rest, they had mustered all of their faith for blessings that they would never see in their lifetime or even their children's children's children's children's lifetime.

So, what do we do while we wait for our prayers of faith to be answered?

We hope.  

What the What?

Did I miss the memo?  Is it random Youtube video day or is it just me?


Here is what greeted me this morning from my Youtube subscriptions:


"How is this a common google search?  Let's set the record straight."


"We've specially chosen you to push this button.  So, please, push the button.  Push it!  NOW!  And when you do, we're going to dump water on you."


"Life is awkward, no matter how you spin it."

To go along with it, here's an awkward soccer photo from the Japan/Oman game:

Hasebe-san, why are your fingers in Kiyotake-san's mouth?  And how are you both happy about this?

I think this bodes well for an exciting and unexpected day...

五月天

Imagine a girl going to karaoke in Taiwan for her first time.  She has no previous knowledge of what her peers listen to there.  She has a good grasp on the spoken language but practically none on the written.

A few years ago, I was this girl and I used the opportunity to educate myself.  This was the takeaway:  My friends in Taiwan surprisingly liked Avril Lavigne and "Way Back into Love" from the Music and Lyrics soundtrack.  (Yes, these were both kind of hilarious points to discover).

AND.  We all loved Mayday.

Source: Wikipedia

I know they look like they're about 25 but the youngest one - Masa (on the left) - is currently 34.

In many ways, their story is very typical of a band - a bunch of kids in high school who thought it would be fun to start a band and made it big.  Their band started off with a funny name (SoBand) that was changed when they entered a music festival.  They played gigs at colleges which turned into concerts which turned into world tours.  Now they are credited for being one of the leading pioneers of rock music in Taiwan and of capturing the zeitgeist of youth in Taiwan.

But why love Mayday?

Their music is, in turn, humorous and poignant.  It's style ranges from angsty teenage emotion in raw heavy chords to introspective pondering in impressive poetic wordplay.  But, in everything, it's real.  It's a band of individuals who are growing and living and pausing to express what that process is for the rest of us.

Bonus: the lyrics are concise and beautiful but also frustratingly layered in its meaning.  Ashin, especially, loves to throw in references to literature, movies, history, and pop culture.  Interestingly, this just means that it's relate-able to many people in many different situations.

Llately, I have been reminded again how much I love this band.  For one, they recently put on a new album which I have heard bits of and am anxious to get my hands on.  Secondly, things about Ashin and his success and good work ethic keep coming across my desk. (I will spare you those articles since they are all in Chinese and I'm too lazy to translate it)

Here, then, is my nod to my first love when it comes to Asian music.

"Falling in love for the first time, all over again"

I actually love the video as much as I love the song.  This band cracks me up.  They don't take themselves too seriously here and the result is a lot of fun.

Blue Monday

The world is achingly beautiful today.  And I'm in my lab, trying to motivate myself to work.

Dear Ashin,

I realize that life is sometimes beyond description that doesn't mean you can just make up acronyms that have no meaning.  Hahahaha.  I'm laughing with you not at you, I promise.  Hahahaha.  No, really.  OAOA.

Love,
Me


Dear Wang Leehom,

Did you just sing that that girl was beautiful?  I'm not quite sure.  It was a little vague.  Could you repeat that line again?  And again?  And again?  Thanks.

Love,
Me


Dear SMEnt,

My apologies for teasing Shinee, Super Junior and SNSD for their interesting use of English in their songs.  How could I have missed the ultimate on BoA's Hurricane?  "Electronic Manic Supersonic Bionic Energy"  takes the cake.  I'm starting to see a pattern though: supersonic, hypertonic, fantastic, elastic... You do realize that there are words outside of those that end in 'ic' that rhyme in the English language, right?

Love,
Me


Dear Self,

Stop freaking out and get to work.

Love,
Me

Singin' in Korean

Dear Self,

When you hurriedly chat to your sister, "brb.  RAIN" so that you could go dance in the sudden torrential downpour outside your apartment and you come back sopping wet to find said sister wondering if you were suddenly (and randomly) excited about the Korean pop star, I think it's safe to assume everyone thinks/knows you're crazy.

Love, 

Me

Dear Kpop,

Do you know what 'supersonic' and 'hypertonic' even mean?  Why put them into a song, then, about taxis?  It makes me want to respond in kind by writing songs with random Korean words that rhyme.  What do you think of 아줌마 가지마 ?  Don't Go, Auntie!  I think it's going to be a great hit.  

Love, 

Me

Dear Korean Netizens,

I understand the impressiveness of good English from Koreans;  I myself get excited to hear it.  However, if the person speaking English was born and raised in America, don't you think you should be more concerned if they don't speak English well? 

Love,

Me

Dear Taiwan,

Now that you've put out a good drama, I simultaneously lay in giddy anticipation of the next episode and in anxious expectation that you'll ruin it all.  In any case, it's a refreshing change from the usual predictable story warmed over a million times and it makes me feel like the fan girl/ drama addict that everyone thinks I am.

Love,

Me

Dear William Wei,

Your music is amazing and your English is superb.  I hope you like Americans because I've decided you're marrying my youngest sister whether you (or she) like it or not.  I must have you in the family!

Love,

Me

My sister specified once she
wanted a man with guitars.
Check and check.  

Old(er) Friends

Today I visited a friend in a nursing home.  As I sat at her side, while she talked to everyone around me - she didn't remember me at all - I looked at her and thought about when I first started making friends in nursing homes.

It was back in Neihu, Taiwan.  I met a girl who was a member of the church from the Philippines who worked at a nursing home.  I stopped by one day to check on her but realizing that her workplace was no place to be receiving visitors, I volunteered my services.  Even when the girl returned to her home, I stayed on, one hour every Monday.  I look back now and wonder what those workers must have thought of me - an American girl with elementary school kid Mandarin Chinese visiting nursing home residents?  Most of the residents didn't speak Mandarin - that was actually the first time that I ever officially heard someone speak Hakka - and so often there was little I could do besides smile at them or sit by their side with my hand on their arm, to let them know that I was there and that I cared about them.  Oh, and sing to them.

As a missionary, I always had a hymnal on me.  However, since this was Taiwan, most of the residents were not Christian or familiar with anything Christian.  I would sing to them the non-traditional songs in hopes they would just think I was singing a nice song.  (I always avoided Israel, Israel, God is Calling though; according to my native colleague, that tune was the same as a traditional Taiwanese funeral song)

I also knew one Chinese folk song, Mo Lia Hua (茉莉花） or Jasmine Flower, that I had learned in middle school.  I couldn't remember all the words when I first started singing that to the residents - I would start it up and they would chime in and sing the entire song with me.  And then I'd get quiet on the few lines I couldn't remember and try to mimic what they were saying.  To this day, I'm still not sure that I got it right.  (I just looked it up -- I was off on one word.)  People told me later that this song has come to express anti-war sentiment so I always wondered what those residents thought of me singing that song.  No one complained, though.  Everyone stopped what they were doing and listened.  Many smiled.  Some sang along. 

After the singing, I would go around  to the residents who could speak Mandarin and chat with them for a few minutes.  To the residents who only spoke Taiwanese, I would attempt a few butchered sentences.  To the residents who only spoke Hakka, I would just smile and pat their arm.  One resident was deaf and so I used my extremely limited vocabulary in Chinese Sign Language to ask her about her family and how she was doing.  It wasn't until years later that I realized she might have gone deaf later in life so she possibly never learned how to communicate in Chinese Sign Language.  But since I couldn't write in characters, hand waving and smiling seemed to be the only way to talk with her.

I did become fairly good friends with a few of the residents.  One of the women insisted that my colleague and I take a picture with her and her friend.  We did so - I still have that picture of us.  A few weeks later, we returned and she was tickled pink over something.  We asked her about it.  "Oh, my son visited me yesterday and saw the picture of us.  He asked, 'Ma, who are these people?' I told him, 'Those are my American friends.' He was jealous then, 'Ma, you sit in this nursing home all day and yet you have more American friends than I do - how did you ever meet them?'"  Her response to that was cheeky: "They come to visit me, speaking of which you could stand to come by more often.  Come by sometime on a Monday and I'll introduce you."  

It was the beginning of a new habit.  Even if I don't remember them - even if they don't remember me.  It means so much to them to have someone to visit.  It means so very much to me. 

Can Google translate Missionary-ish?

While running my experiment today (yes! it actually ran!) I started reading old missionary emails from years ago. It was a nice trip down memory lane but I found myself laughing at the phrases I used.  No wonder people think return missionaries are just weird.

I made the bad mistake of asking this very single Taiwanese version of Heath Ledger where he was going. (I think a lot of guys here take it as a pick-up line rather than a lead into a Gospel discussion) Really? No kidding! If some random person came up to me and asked me where I was going, I would probably be just as confused.

On Saturday we followed up with a very sad girl who doesn't want to get married and has problems sleeping. I'm not sure how I ever found these details relevant or important. 

I found out that our dear 101 year old member was personal bodyguard to Chiang Kai Shek and came over with him on the boat. I love how I referenced 'the boat' as though it was some common well known fact how Chiang Kai Shek came to Taiwan. I'm sure my family was thoroughly confused.

This morning we went to the astronomical museum. It was a fun experience hanging out with my district. We couldn't read much on the signs explaining things so we just went from exhibit to exhibit pressing every button and doing every hands-on activity that we could. It was really fun and reminded me that before my mission, I had had a great desire to be involved in space technology. I guess NASA landed on Mars a little while back? The rumors you here in the mission field are always so old anyway that it's hilarious. I love that I referred to my love of NASA as some very distant and mythical 'once upon a time' thing. Did I really forget that much about my previous life as a normal human?

Ever since I got back from Shilin, we've been getting fanged lots. Fanged? It actually is Chinglish for "stood up" from "fang gezi" in Chinese. But I'm sure it sounds horrible to those not in the know.

With three people in our baptismal pool, we were thrilled and even found a fourth person who is contemplating getting baptized also. My sister's response to this email is probably the best: 3 people in the baptismal pool at once???????? do they just sit around waiting for something to happen? chinese people are weird.... ----I'm still laughing over this. For those still confused, here is my mother's explanation: The baptismal pool is the group of investigators that they feel are headed for baptism. They don't all get to sit in the font at the same time - though that might be interesting.

We went to COSTCO today. I didn't have any money so I didn't buy anything. I had thought that if I found something that I really really really couldn't live without and if it wasn't more than a few hundred dollars, I could buy it but nothing really jumped out at me. Aren't you proud of me? I'm sure I gave my parents a heart attack with the flippant way I managed my money. What could I ever want from Costco, food-wise, that was a few hundred dollars? Especially since I claimed that I was poor? Too bad I never bothered to explain that I was thinking in terms of Taiwanese dollars. A few hundred dollars would be the equivalent of 10 USD.

Heat Wave

Dear Virginia,

It's only May and it's already upper 90's?!  While I love the reminder to Taiwan, I also miss cuo bing (剉冰) and bing sha (冰沙)

So, until you start opening up ice stands on every corner, please return the heat to Taiwan where it belongs.  (In fact, let's trade.  Taipei is expecting a high of 81 tomorrow)

Love,
Me

Mango and Strawberry cuo bing (剉冰) with Melinda and David

時差

A person can jump on an airplane (or three) and fly 2000 miles west and two time zones over and the shock that it gives to their system one can explain away as simply: "jet lag".

But somehow, it always feels like more than a two hour difference every time I return back to Utah.

One of my favorite places to visit in Utah

Stepping off the elevator for Deseret Book, I immediately ran into Jake who was in my MTC district.  Somehow it felt like the most normal thing in the world to see him there even though the last time I saw him was 8 years ago.  And now here he was with a wife and two kids and a real job.

Watching over the sign-in book for the wedding reception, I finally just blurted out to the groom's sister, "I don't mean to be rude, but you seem very familiar to me."  She admitted I looked familiar to her too.  It only took a minute before it clicked.  "You were a welfare missionary with me in the MTC.  You didn't like to be called Sister."  And I repeated to her, her entire name.  We laughed and compared notes since the mission.  Again, 8 years since I last saw her.  She now had a husband and 2 kids.  And a brother who just got married to my friend.

Then there was the girl who gave a lesson in church.  She mentioned she spoke Chinese so I went up to her afterwards and asked about where she served her mission.  Taiwan Taipei.  When?  A year after I ended.  But when I told her where I served and what my name was, her eyes got very wide.  "I know you!  I know your name!"  Apparently, there was a family Zhang that I contacted who later joined the church.  And her companion was very excited or grateful or something because of my service.  I wanted to start crying.  I wanted to know who this family was.  7 years.

5 years since I lived in Utah.  A year since I was there last.

I still feel disconnected from reality when I tell people what I've been up to in the interim - "I'm getting a PhD in Aerospace Engineering."

When they ask why it's taking so long, why I haven't graduated, I laugh it off, "Apparently, PhDs take a while."

But it doesn't feel like a while on those trips back -  just a moment.

When there's no other word to describe that difference in time, that loss of minutes, days or even years -

Jet Lag.  

Two best friends forever playing.  Sometimes I still feel only this old. 

The Cross Cultural Bucket of Chicken

Today I went through and counted how many Asian dramas I have watched in the past year and a half - it's a little too embarrassing to care to admit here.  However, it has been an interesting experience to watch media of a culture I know only a little about.  It raises the questions of how culture is different than from what is portrayed and what are simply traditions of media.

If I were to take these dramas at face value of how the culture really is, this is what I would think about East Asia: 

1. Everyone is terrified of water and no one knows how to swim.  

2. No one ever sleeps.

3. The way to show you care for someone is to cook for them, especially amazing, adorable bento boxes. 

4. When it comes to relationships, opposites attract and it is best if the first time you meet, you get in a fight.  

5. Drinking soju is an almost daily occurrence. 

6. Communication over basic things such as "I have a job" or "I had to miss that important event because I was in a coma in the hospital" doesn't happen.   

And a million other little things.  

We use cultural media symbols all the time that we don't even think about.  For example, in American movies, there are common wedding marches that are used to indicate weddings although I have never actually attended a wedding that played those themes.  Also, there are some things that are actually true in America that some people don't realize.  A friend recently told me his cousins from somewhere in Europe were amazed that our school buses really are yellow.  

In any case, our perspective towards our own culture affects how we view others' cultures.  A few months ago, I was watching a Taiwanese drama.  It was Christmas Eve - in American culture, think New Year's Eve - the one day that you definitely want a date to stay out past midnight with.  In the drama, the girl had plans to spend the day with her two good friends.  But then those two good friends ended up having dates and so left her alone.  The guy the girl has a crush on went to a Christmas Eve party for his dad's work but when he realizes she is left at home alone, he goes to meet her with some lame excuse about hating parties.  He brings along a cake and

 that's right, a bucket of KFC chicken.

I didn't think anything of the KFC chicken when I watched the episode.  The man obviously felt obligated to bring home food - he probably went to one of the only places open on the way to her house.  Pizza might have been a better choice in my opinion but hey, to each his own, right?  I was excited about the cake though.  The cakes they make in Taiwan are amazing.  

Reading a book about Asian culture a few months later, I found out that somehow KFC convinced Taiwan that what Americans eat on Christmas Eve is KFC chicken.  So, in Taiwan, if you want to eat KFC on Christmas Eve, you often have to make reservations for buckets of the Colonel's Original Recipe weeks in advance.  

I laughed when I found this out. 

1. How did KFC convince Taiwan this fact about Americans?

2. What I thought was a typical guy attempt at being somewhat awkwardly kind was actually a gesture that he liked the girl and had plans to spend the evening with her weeks previous.  The message was completely lost on me.  

3. Do Taiwanese people REALLY think we eat KFC at Christmas?  

I wonder what subtle messages in media my culture gives that others would not understand. And how often do we send out messages that we never meant to give?

****

Random thoughts on my questions about media and Asian culture representation: 

I started to have real questions about how Asians view relationships and wondered if the media was a reflection of that or not, or if the media was actually affecting how Asians view relationships.  For instance, if you watch a drama and two people are 'soulmates'  in that they are close friends and can communicate with each other and discuss important and personal things, then they will never, ever end up together.  However, in my own life, I feel a lot of people around me who are seeking for a 'soulmate'.  Honestly, I think I might be too.  So I wonder, do Asians believe that marrying a 'soulmate' will lead to a safe and secure but stale and loveless marriage?  What qualities are people really looking for?  Are they distinctly different by culture?  

Pretend

As I lay on my mat on the bedroom floor that I like to call my bed, absorbing the humidity of the warm spring day, I think to myself...

If I just close my eyes, those construction workers outside my window, calling to each other as they work, with the cars and buses that pass by on the street below, could easily pass as the sounds I heard every day in Taipei.

If I just close my eyes, this humidity would feel just like it does on an early spring morning in Taiwan.

If I just close my eyes, this bed of mine would almost pass as those hard straw mattresses that Melinda had to put extra blankets down so she could endure them.

If I just close my eyes, I could just pretend I was there, in Taiwan, sleeping in on a lazy morning.

I close my eyes.

When my roommate walks in a few minutes later, thinking that I had left for the day and left my light on in my bedroom, I have traveled around the world and back.

I get up off my bed and listen to the sounds of Charlottesville, feel the spring of Virginia.  I am glad that my imagination has allowed me to satiate a little of my homesickness.

People, Places and Things

People:

Dear Makoto: Congrats on the win.  But why the need to be the one who retrieves the soccer ball from the net after a goal?  (P.S. When you do so, you run like a little boy.  It's hilarious/adorable)

Dear Matt: It was nice meeting you in Kroger the other day.  Who knew that a BYU sweatshirt would bring about such a conversation?  Best luck to you in the JAG School.  Despite your confusing upbringing, I promise BYU really is the team to cheer for.  :)

Dear English Class: Thanks to you I spent last work trying harder to be a better cook and also to really analyze how I live my life.  You're right - I've neglected a lot of the traditions of my parents and grandparents.  I will do better.

Dear Chinese couple: It feels like a small world when I see you at two different stores in my series of errands, almost as though the next time we meet we will do more than nod and smile.  Perhaps even a 'hello'.


Places:

Dear DC:  We meet so often that I sometimes forget how much you have to offer.  Thanks for always surprising me.  

Dear Taipei: I found a map of you the other day in my car.  What it was doing there, I have no idea.  But it was nice to pretend for even a split second that I would need to know how to get from YongHe to Beitou.


Things:

Dear Kato 'Makoto-son': I'm giving you a yellow card.  And I'm letting you sit the bench.  One of us likes spending my money and it's not me.

Dear Jackhammers: At 7:30 twice?  Really? My high school Spanish teacher once taught me- the way to call someone a jerk in Spanish is to call them a jackhammer.  I'm starting to agree with her.

Dear Spring: The warmer air, the rain and the sound of birds in the trees all make me anxious for your return.  Either come quickly or stop tempting me.

Love,
Me

Blessings in Disguise

Life doesn't turn out as we thought.  My life is the perfect example of that.

And sometimes things that seem like big disappointments prove to be our greatest blessings.

Exhibit A:

I failed kindergarten.  For those who know me simply as the always reading, opinionated and conversational engineer scholar, that may be hard to believe.  But it's true.  When my parents and teacher were making the choice whether to let me move on to first grade, they counseled and chose to hold me back a year.

Exhibit B:

I fail IQ tests.  I'm not sure that people can fail them.  But if there's such a thing, I've done it.  Every time I've moved to a new school system and people have given me those weird tests that require anagrams and timers and just random pattern games (doesn't this sound like an IQ test?) I never test in the "gifted" range.  As a result it always took a few years to convince anyone that I could do okay in the advanced classes.

Exhibit C:

While in Taiwan, I never got to serve on the East Coast.  That may not seem like a big deal for those who don't know what the East Coast of Taiwan looks like.  But it was most often described as "Paradise" and "Heaven" or "The Garden of Eden".  Seriously.  And aside from my trainer, every single one of my colleagues spent some amount of time serving there.

Exhibit D:

A few months ago, right after I had spent considerable money on getting Kato fixed and his worn out front tires replaced, I got a flat tire.  And so had to get Kato a new wheel and a new tire which meant Kato got the bulk of what I was planning on spending for Christmas.


And the result of all of this?

Everything in my life was pushed back a year so that when the moves happened, I was in such a grade that I met all the wonderful people in my life that I met.  I could never have asked for better friends in middle school and in high school.

And all of this moving led to the fact that while in the "normal" biology class in 10th grade (oh I was so upset I was now a year behind everyone else) I was nominated and alerted to the fact that there was a school that I would later attend and which school would change the course of my life.

While I never served in Taiwan's coveted spot, I was able to be in the same Stake for over a year and get to know one section of Taipei really well.  Plus, I got to attend the temple every six weeks which has marked a distinct pattern in my current life.

While driving through a snowstorm and taking 8 hours to drive something that normally takes only 4, I was extremely grateful to have 3 brand new tires on my car rather than just 2.  Just knowing that I had just that much more traction helped.  Safety trumps amazing Christmas gifts any day.  (In the words of Heber J. Grant, I'd rather be hours late to a meeting than 50 years early to eternity.)


It puts life in perspective.  It puts my current disappointments in perspective.

Don't judge a book by its cover.  Don't judge the end by the beginning.  And don't declare yourself a failure EVER.

Words to live by.

Political Potpourri

On the Arizona shooting:

"I would like to visit America but I don't want to get shot."

When my friend told me this was the common opinion of the Japanese towards my native country, I laughed.  As did he.  How could these people be so misinformed?

And then I read a book about Asian perspectives of America.  (To make this experience even more surreal, try reading such a book in a place far removed from either of them -- I recommend Germany.)  I wanted to discredit the book - It's outdated, It isn't reporting accurately on the state of things in Japan, The incidents of crime are just hyped up by the media - all of these thoughts crossed my mind.  I even told my roommate over dinner after finishing the book and returning home that this book was completely false and almost laughable.

But then I realized that in my small town of Charlottesville, in the past two years there have been two national media-covered murders of Morgan Dana Harrington (I pass the plaque dedicated to her every day on my run) and Yeardley Love (I used to live on that street).  Plus there is that unexplainable crime spree that the city and university have experienced this past semester, making everyone nervous.

I thought about my friend who is from Blacksburg and how much she was shaken up by the idea that her small and friendly hometown suffered a massacre shooting 4 years ago this April.

The lectures I have given friends about going out alone at night and how we continually pass along those emails about ways to avoid getting attacked. The times I have had male friends walk me home or even drive behind me as I went home to make sure I got in safely.  The Friday night I spent riding a bus with my bus driver friend to make sure she stayed safe despite the late hours and the students returning drunk from parties.  --- All of these are second nature.  We watch our back and keep alert.

And then the Arizona shootings happen which shock even Jon Stewart into solemnity.  Have we just learned to accept violence as a horrific but all too common aspect of our lives?



On the Asian Cup 2011:

It's been exciting to cheer for my team - Japan Samurai Blues! - and watch them win.  However, as I looked at the teams participating, I started wondering why the rest of the world isn't sitting up and taking note.

North Korea and South Korea.  China.  Japan.  Iran and Iraq.  Kuwait.  Shouldn't this be a politically charged tournament?  Here we have a mix of cultures and governments and religions that somehow think coming together for a competition in soccer is a good idea.  And are successful in it.  Now granted, South Korea and North Korea haven't competed head-to-head yet.  And the heat Japan and Syria game was really nothing about outside politics.  But still, shouldn't we be trying to understand how Asia gets along with Asia before we try to figure out how America gets along with Asia?  I think the value from these lessons to be learned are incalculable.



On German opinion of US and Taiwan opinion of Japan and South Korea:

While in Germany I asked a friend there what the Germans thought of our President Obama and our government.  Her response was encouraging: "We really like the Americans but we feel that President Bush made you look too power hungry and desirous to conquer everyone.  We didn't like to see America looking so bad to the rest of world so we didn't like President Bush."  It definitely gave some insight to the criticisms America has been receiving from many other countries.

Meanwhile, I recently asked a friend if it would be okay if I cheered for the Japanese team since my loyalties tie most closely to Taiwan.  I know that Japan itself was once a formidable force and had China, Korean and Taiwan all under its power in recent generations.  By this point I have read a lot of books expressing the underlying anger that simmers under the surface between these countries and so didn't know if the Taiwanese people would even acknowledge the Japanese.  His response was interesting: "Taiwan has no complaints against Japan currently.  We do have some problems with South Korea though."  In the Asian games a Taiwan athlete was disqualified in Tae kwon do on decidedly unfair claims and so the whole of Taiwan was in an uproar against the Taekwondo President who happened to be a South Korean.  And despite the fact that I don't seem to understand why South Korea is at fault for this, it makes me realize that there are so many political thoughts and undercurrents that I simply have no grasp of.

America after all is so young and so small in the history of the World.  And yet, if America as a whole is in any way representative of my own personal feelings, despite its youth, despite its weaknesses, despite its personal battles, it is desirous to make a difference, to leave its mark and to truly improve this world that we live in and share.

You Always Find What You're Looking For

Dear Self,

Do you remember on your mission when you couldn't tell foreigners from native Taiwanese apart?  And how when you did figure it out - thanks to your companion who would tell you - you would gasp in shock as though you didn't look in the mirror every morning and see a non-native Taiwanese looking back at you.  Of course everyone laughs when you tell that story.  Who could believe that a pale-skinned, freckled, reddish-headed girl from Illinois couldn't tell the difference between herself and her dark-haired, dark-eyed, non-freckled peers around her?

Yours Truly in Taiwan 2009, picture taken by Jim Chunhung Chen

Well, it seems, the confusion never ended since returning from your mission.

True story: You thought a friend in your ward had some Asian background and in front of his Asian peers and colleagues, you decided to ask him about it.  Of course, they think that you are as crazy as your companion did. They all laughed and then jumped up and pointed out the distinct differences between their eyes and his.

True story: Friend of your sister came up to her and asked her about her Korean upbringing.  It seems he thought that her parents were raised in South Korea and that they in turn raised their children in a Korean speaking home.  Of course, as you know, Isa does not look Asian.  She is as pale-skinned and freckled as yourself with the exception of blue rather than hazel eyes and blondish rather than darkish reddish hair.

I'm glad to see I'm not the only one that is confused.

Love,
Me

Currently listening: Say No by 韩庚