Memories of Yesterday

Dear Lois,

When I was a freshman in college, my maternal grandmother became very ill.  She was in and out of the hospital.  Of course, no one in my family told me this because they didn't want me to worry.  When my grandmother passed away, I was too far away to return home for the funeral.  The process of losing that grandmother was difficult.  She did not feel dead to me because there was no closure.  She was just suddenly missing from my life.  I was such a shy child around my grandparents.  I count it one of my greatest regrets as not being better acquainted with my grandparents.

Then you came into my life.  You are you and not my grandmother.  And I love you for being you.  But I felt that somehow heaven had granted me a gift.  Here was a wonderful woman with stories and advice and friendship, asking for me to call her grandmother.  I enjoyed being your friend and wondered if this is how it would have felt being friends with my grandmother.

I so truly loved visiting you.  You were the highlight of my week.  I came to you, world-weary.  Despite the fact that you were usually confined to your bed, we would talk about dating and marriage and your hometown and family until we were both so cheered and lifted that we were both laughing and counting our blessings.

Thanks to you, I made my first homemade from-scratch coconut cake.  It was delicious and quite the adventure for my wonderful roommates.  I don't think it was as delicious as the ones you made for your husband but it was fun to do nonetheless.

You were always so kind about my voice.  You never tired of hearing me sing, either in English or Chinese.  You clapped at my guitar playing and cheered when I sang old songs from the 1940's that I had picked up from my maternal grandmother's sheet music.  And when I sang hymns, you would sing along.  I loved that most.  Your voice was so beautiful for me to hear.

You were also so encouraging in terms of my life's path.  "You don't want to get married just yet," you would always comfort when I was getting discouraged that I was not seeing anyone in my life.  "I hope he makes the right decision," you spoke aloud when I talked about some boy that had caught my interest.  "You are just so wonderful.  I am so glad for a friend like you.  I knew just from the beginning that we would be good friends," you always said as you held my hand, with a smile in your eye, whenever I was discouraged that I was really becoming what I hoped.

When we prayed at our parting, I was always overcome by the miracle of a friend like you.

When I saw you today, you did not recognize me.  It was as though you had never heard of me, never seen my face, never told me about yourself.  When I sang with my still recovering voice, and had to give up in a fit of coughing, you smiled distantly, "You have a sweet voice."

I realize that in your many long years, the two years that you have been my friend are practically nothing.  As your mind slips back to the past, I am not there.  Even if you mind comes back to the present, I may never be there again.  It's hard to accept.  Even though I pray that you will not be long with us and in pain, the words still stick in my throat.

I love you.  Thank you, my dear adopted grandmother.  How sweet to have a friend like you!

God be with you until we meet again.

Love,
Me