VA: Homecoming Edition

I wasn't really verbally awkward in Japan because I wasn't verbal.  Coming home has reminded me that not much has really changed.

While at the airport:
Man: Your ticket?
Me: <hands it to him>
Man: Thank you.  Here you go. 
Me: <thinking to my jet lagged self, "Say 'thank you' as I reach for the ticket>
Me: Arigatou gozaimash...
<I stop mid-sentence with my hand half on my ticket, and stare at the man in shock while my mind panics, "That's not English!  How do I fix this?"
Me: shita.
<I take off running> 


At the restaurant:
We're leaving and a girl trips on the stairs as she goes up them and I'm coming down them. 
Me: <thinking to myself, "Daijoubudesuka?  Not English.  Don't even try it!">
Realizing that I was not going to do well verbally, I went for non-verbal communication.  
I bowed. 
The girl gave me a weird but amused look and walked past me. 
Kat: What was that?!
Me:  The first thing that came to mind was Japanese so I did the next thing that came to mind.  I bowed. 
Kat: Hahhahahaha.


At lunch:
Food worker, calling out my order: Erin?
Me: Hai!...Iiiii.  <My desperate attempt to make it into a Hello> "Yes, that's me."

Gilded Toes

I had already gotten my shoes and dress to be bridesmaid when my friend, the bride, told me that she was changing our shoes to sandals.  Guiltily I looked at my feet, worn from walking all over the place, "That means I have to get a pedicure."

A week later, I found myself in a salon with all the other bridesmaids and the bride getting our feet pampered and our toes painted an identical silvery gold.

All night long, I looked down at my toes.  I felt a little like Kate from Sorcery and Cecilia or The Enchanted Chocolate Pot who painted her toenails gold and went to a ball in 1817 London,  She was a little giddy at the prospect of it and a little in awe of her boldness.  I felt the same way - and half expected that something magical  - or at least noteworthy - should happen because of it.  

Something magical did happen - my friend got married.  She was a beautiful bride and her wedding and ring ceremony and reception were all wonderful events.  

Here are some funny situations I got myself in though: 

In the temple, my friend and her fiancee and I got on the elevator.  A nice lady already on the elevator oohed and aahed over the prospect of my friends' upcoming nuptials.  The bride and groom got off on a different floor to get ready for the ceremony and I stayed on to go up to the waiting room.  As soon as they got off, the lady looked at me.  "So, you must be ..." She paused and looked me over.  "The mother of the groom?"  I looked at her in shock.  Did I really look old enough to have a 27 year old son? I must have really overdone my makeup or something.  "Ummm...no."  I managed.  "I'm a friend of the bride."  

(The groom came over to me later and tried to make me feel better.  "Don't worry about that.  When I went into the changing room, one man asked me when I was going on my mission.")  

During the picture taking of the bride and groom, the rest of the guests sat around and chatted politely.  For most of us, this was the first time we had met.  My friend's mission president's wife was just telling everyone her life's story when I noticed to my horror that a bug! was crawling up her skirt, just under the top sheer layer.  Not wanting to interrupt her or scare her, I leaned down and put my hand out, wondering if I should try to dab at her skirt and scare the bug out or what.  People started to notice my weird behavior so I spoke up.  "Um...Sorry to interrupt but there is a bug crawling up your skirt."  Everyone stopped and stared at me, awkwardly perched with my arms out, kneeling down beside this woman and most people gasped in horror. The woman herself acted like a true lady and reacted calmly, simply pulling up the top layer and letting the bug fly away.  

The real mother of the groom introduced me to some people from her family.  

Mother: This is Erin.  She is the maid of honor.  

Me: Um...No.  I'm not the maid of honor.  

Mother: <looks at me> 

Me: I'm just a maid.  

Mother's friend, laughing: Ah, a maid!  

(I couldn't think of the word for bridesmaid)

Turns out my feet are tiny compared to Yao Ming's feet

Verbal Awkwardness: Holiday Edition

In case I ever think that I'm starting to make headway in maneuvering in the world of speaking, something always comes back to remind me how verbally awkward I really am.

Scene 1: While my sister is out with my niece doing some Christmas shopping, I hear a knock on the door.  Assuming it's the mailman (or someone like that) I skip over to the door and open it to find some vaguely familiar person holding out some gifts.  She smiles, "For Anna and the baby."  I look out at her van in the driveway and dumbly nod.  She looks past me and waves to my mother who she knew from previous visits.  Still struck dumb, I just nod.  I don't invite her in.  I don't explain that my sister is out along with my niece.  Instead, I just stand there, awkwardly holding these gifts.  The woman waves again, wishes me a Merry Christmas and runs back to her car.  I walk back inside the house to find another sister laughing at me.  "Why didn't you say anything?  Why didn't you explain that Anna and the baby were out?"  I shake my head.  "I have no idea.  Should I go tell her now before she leaves?"  My sister laughs again, "Yes!  Go run outside and chase her down the street. 'Hold on!  I can explain everything!'"  I laughed back, half ready to do just that.  Instead, I just waited until my sister got home, explained the situation to her and told her to write a really nice thank-you note and apology for her sister.

Scene 2: While waiting to leave church yesterday, a woman walks up to me, "I just want to tell you that you look so much like my daughter that I thought she had driven all the way up here to surprise me at church."  I look at her, take a deep breath, and fight for words to say.  But what can I say?  Struck dumb, I just nod at her and try to look as optimistic as possible.  She smiles at me, still kind of hoping that I was her daughter.  I nod, hoping that her daughter was sitting somewhere else in the chapel.  After this awkward exchange, her other daughter jumps in to save me, "Mom, do you really think she drove all the way up here to sit with another family?"  The mom laughs and the family moves away.  I turn to see my family looking at me curiously.  My sister speaks up, "Why didn't you say anything?"  I look at her, "What could I say?  'I'm sorry your daughter is not here for Christmas?'"  She shrugs.  Is this another one of those moments when you run after them to explain your awkwardness?

I should start just wearing a shirt that reads: Verbally Awkward.  Please excuse.

Awkwardness can be good for the soul

Once upon a time, I had a friend who decided to bring apples to a breakfast that my roommate and I made for him.  He brought red delicious apples.  It was a very, very kind gesture and I was really grateful.  I searched exactly for the right words to express my feelings.
Me: (thoughts) Thank you so much for the apples!  What a nice thought!
Me: (words) (yes, actually what I said): I think red delicious apples are the grossest apples in the whole world!

My roommate stared at me, aghast.  I stared at my friend in shock and then clapped my hand over my mouth.  Did what I had just heard coming from my mouth really just come from my mouth?  It was true.  I don't know how I got out of that horrible situation.  But I'm still alive and the last time I saw that friend, he greeted me warmly.  I guess I managed.   

It is exactly on this subject - awkwardness - that I would like to discuss.  As you can tell from the example above and so very many others, I am what I would classify a verbally awkward (VA) person.  One of my sisters who claims that she lives a very awkward life (her words not mine - I'm not classifying my siblings out of turn), I would classify a situationally awkward (SA) person. 

It has recently come to my attention that some persons in this world - I will not use names because I do not know names (ah, the virtues of anonymity in the cyber world) - think that when certain persons (namely myself) smile or even laugh at the hilarity of the awkwardness at others, that this can be construed as a bad thing. 

Take, for instance, a post I put up about the awkward pictures of Shinji Okazaki while he plays soccer.  (Definitely an SA.   Maya Yoshida on the other hand definitely a VA)  I have yet to see a good picture of Okazaki while playing soccer.  I think the world of soccer must just have some photographers with impeccable timing.  Do I smile when I see awkward pictures of soccer players?  Yes.  Sometimes, I even laugh.  (Let's be honest - most times I laugh)

So, what of it?

I present for your perusal 4 examples:

1. Lee Min Ho (VA): "Thanks for letting me happy birthday.  Today, let's celebrate your birthday too" 

Can't take a bad picture to save his life (Believe me - I've looked) A great actor and a good singer.  He is kind and friendly and he has over 3 million fans on Facebook.  Awkward English tweeter


2. Jung Yunho (SA)

 Singer, dancer and leader of one of the most successful Asian boy bands, TVXQ.  He trained in destitute circumstances so that he wouldn't be a burden to his parents.  No matter what he wears, even if on anyone else it would look hideous, he looks good.  He also acts, plays sports and even ice skates.  Awkward puppy holder

3. Hasebe Makoto (SA)

Soccer player, Unicef supporter, bestselling book author and devoted uncle.  Captain of the Japanese National team, he led his team to a top 16 finish in the World Cup and an Asian Cup championship.  He is known for his discipline and dedication and team loyalty.  He helped organize multiple charity events to bring in support and help for the victims of the Japan tsunami disaster.  Awkward model (in the men's bathroom - ほんとに）

4. Cho Kyuhyun (SA)

Maknae on Top, Kyuhyun's good looks and exceptional voice (I have yet to hear him make a mistake) make his elders in the Asian pop sensation Super Junior jealous.  Kyuhyun is well known for his dedication to his music and for surviving a horrible car accident not long after joining the group.  He loves gaming and is constantly surprised and impressed to discover that he has fans.  What is he not awkward at? 


Presented here is the elite and exclusive IGA club. See?  A little awkwardness never hurt anyone.  It makes for a good story.  And it helps us all realize we're all human.

So embrace your inner awkward.  I'll love you all the more for it. 

Image sources:
Lee Minho: http://www.dkpopnews.net/2010/06/news-lee-min-ho-wants-girlfriend-as-his.html
Jung Yunho: http://www.asianpopcorn.com/default.asp?display=TVXQ_s_Yunho_Changmin_pose_with_a_puppy-93626
Hasebe Makoto:http://www.facebook.com/vflwolfsburgfussball?ref=ts#!/photo.php?fbid=10150133306907160&set=a.422353692159.212778.386992377159&type=1&theater
Cho Kyuhyun: http://irena040506.wordpress.com/category/%E2%99%A5-korean/k-songs/super-junior/page/5/