Hard Decisions

My life has too much going on.  The process of cutting down on the non-essentials in my life has been a growing experience, to say the least.

Two months ago, I sat down to write an email to First Harmonics, my acapella group, announcing my departure and thanking them for all the good times.  And then, just as I was about to hit 'Send' I couldn't do it.  It didn't sit well.  So I waited and said I would ponder it for a few more days.  The email was never sent and when the meetings came around, I attended and participated.  In fact, the first song back, I was chosen as percussionist.  

Saturday night, while sitting my car, I was thinking again about the list of to-do and longer list of things I'm not getting done, I brashly declared what needed to go.  Except this time, that thought stayed with me.  All through the couple of days when I pondered it and thought about it.  All through the drive up to DC.  All through the shift that I worked, even to the courage of going and haltingly explaining my reason to leave to a man to whom I look up and admire.  Before I knew it, I was filling out a piece of paper, requesting my release and putting March 1, 2011 as my last day of service.  And even as the thought of, "What am I doing?!" filled me with sorrow and horror, I kept writing.  "Why couldn't I have had this resolve two months ago?" I wondered.  "Why couldn't I quit First Harmonics but now I'm quitting service at the temple?"  After I filled out the paper, I sat there for a minute, wondering at my audacity.  The temple service has been some of the best experiences from my life in the past year and few months.  Just when life got too hard, I would have a day up in DC serving and I'd come back ready to face the challenges again.  But now, I was walking away, in what seemed like to everyone else, a snap decision.  As I turned in the paper, still marveling at my ability to turn away from the greatest thing in my life, I found the only thing I could do left was to go get away from people and quickly because the tears were coming fast and strong.  But still, I kept on, not turning back or saying, "Just kidding!  Haha."  Because deep down, I knew it was right.  

Dear Research,

I've sacrificed something I truly, truly love for you.  That means that I think you are worth it.  Please don't let me down.

Love, 

Me