Slip of the Tongue

Me: Oh hey, it's Wasbash.  Didn't we need to turn on Wabash?  Wait, no, we need to turn on Madison.

Sister: You mean Monroe?

Me: Whatever.  They're all Presidents...except for Wabash.

Lady: What's your major?
Me: Umm...well.  I'm actually a PhD student, getting my degree in Aerospace Engineering.

Lady: What year are you in?  

Me: I'm in my sixth year.

Lady: <looking at me like I'm an idiot> PhDs only take 3-4 years.

Me:  Well, some of us take a little longer.  

Inspector: There's a Laser sign on the door.  We can't get in there.

Me: No it's ok.  You can just knock; Hase...er... oops, wrong Japanese person --  Toshi will let you in. 

 Me, talking to my sister: Alexis must think I am so annoying right now.  

Grandma, talking to someone else: Yes, yes, she really does.  

USPS Man: What kind of stamps do you want?

Me: Not Forever stamps please! 

USPS Man: They're all Forever stamps.  

Me: Oh, well, ones that have cool pictures on them.

<We look through the binder of different stamps>

Me: I'd like a sheet of the scientists.

USPS Man: Here you go.

<I look over the scientists>

Me: Wow, I feel like an idiot.  I'm a scientist and I've never heard of any of these people.

USPS Man: Well, just don't aspire to get on a stamp yourself...

Me: Really?

USPS Man: ...Because that would mean you were dead.  

Me: Oh, don't worry.  I have no such goals in life.